Why I
Teach
A few months after US Troops took
Below (with his
permission and edited slightly to protect his privacy) is his initial e-mail to
me requesting advice for dealing with an extremely painful and personal
experience of one of his friends now serving his country in combat in
Iraq. It is followed by my imperfect response. During the course of writing
my response I also learned something about myself.
From:
jj@xxx.com
To: "sealsrest" <sealsrest@juno.com>
Date: Sun, 8 Jun 2003
13:42:10 -0400
Message-ID: <BAY3-DAV59vDOTU9rAJ0000c8a7@hotmail.com>
Captain
Slattery,
I
hope this e-mail finds you well. I took your Military history class
last year in the fall. I have since been commissioned and will depart
soon for training, I am quite excited.
I
am writing you because of the experience you possess. I was honored
to have taken a class with someone who had been through so much. Often we
read of things and hear of things on t.v., but it is always veiled
with a sense of fiction because we are so detached. One of
my longtime friends who enlisted about the
same time as me, is deployed to Iraq. While leading a patrol he
encountered an armed Iraqi in civilian clothes. He got a bead on him and
told him to drop his weapon, the Iraqi proceeded to raise his weapon
in a threatening manner and my friend shot him. His patrol witnessed the
event and his command stands behind his decision, however he is battling the
psychological effects of having killed a man. He wonders what if I would
have waited, maybe he would have put it down,
etc. To complicate matters the Iraqi did not die instantly. He is
plagued by bad dreams and doubt, and his parents have asked me to write
him.
If
you have any advice that I could pass on to him or any recommendation for how to
compose the letter, I would be very grateful.
Sincerely
JJ
From:
"sealsrest" <sealsrest@juno.com>
To: jj@xxx.com
Sent:
Subject: Re: From an old
student
JJ: Good to hear
from you. I envy your privilege to serve our Nation in these very difficult
times.
I hesitate to
give advice on dealing with such a personal and painful experience. How can
anyone fully appreciate your friend's torment? But he should know that he really
had little choice in the matter. His obligation as a patrol leader was
to lead & protect his troops. Situations like the one you described require
a split second life or death decision. A potential enemy raises his
weapon- what do you do - especially after you've given him a command he fails to
heed. You simply react to survive and accept the results. Second guessing helps
little. What if your friend had hesitated and the Iraqi killed one
of your friend's men? From my perspective that
result would have been even harder to live with - and the second guessing of a
much harsher nature would be even more
painful.
I've second
guessed myself too- still do even to this day. Someone might ask a question like
the one you poised and long since repressed memories of
That said I
have one possible suggestion that I found has helped me. Write what
happened down in as vivid detail as possible. Then put it away for a long
while. Over time in rereading the description and adding additional details as
they surface the event starts to form and begin to move outside your head and
your soul. Gradually it can be viewed more objectively. One begins to accept
what can't be changed. Talking about it with friends helps too- especially
if they're former brothers in arms or past teammates. Then years later talk
with others who appear interested. That seems to help too.
It's also why I
teach.
Good luck to
you and your friend. Capt S.